January 23rd, 2011
Tip #14: Turning the five tasks of dying to five tasks of living…
Over the last few months, many people whom I have known quite well have passed away. It may be that I am older now and as we all get older, we know more people (especially the older folks) and we are more conscious of the people who pass away in our lives. Watching my mom pass way, was a reaffirmation for me, that it is necessary for the living and the person who is passing away to do the final tasks, to complete their relationships. As I do brief internet research for some of my blogs, I came across an article that highlights the five tasks of dying, which I found should also be the five tasks of living as well. Interestingly enough, it had nothing to do with wills or trust or funeral planning. Let us all stop thinking about all this stuff…. The most important thing in life is our relationships with those we love.
The five tasks of dying are.. turn them around in your mind and think of them also as the five tasks of living and creating more loving relationships. In today’s blog, I will only write about task #1 and #2
Task #1: Ask for forgiveness
Task #2: Offer forgiveness
Task #3: Offer heartfelt thanks
Task #4: Offer sentiments of love
Task #5: Say goodbye
As human beings, we are likely to err in judgement of others and hurt others. In the same way we ask for forgiveness, we need to be able to offer it to those who ask to be forgiven. I try not to go to bed with anything on my mind that could have resolved during the course of the day. When it happens, it makes me physically sick.
Before my mom passed away, I had an interesting experience with her and a couple of neighbours whom we knew very well over the years. One morning, I took a walk to the back of our family home and out of the blues, I asked the gardener, who was working at a neighbour’s house, whether the neighbours were home. Now, I am sure that it has been over 30 years since I last spoke to those neighbours and I know that over the years there were disputes between my parents and them, which automatically affected the relationship between parents and children.
The couple came out to meet with me and we had a heartfelt conversation that helped me put those 30 years of silence into context. The gentleman said “Your mom said something mean to me and I have been waiting for her to apologize! She must apologize first!” (30 years waiting for an apology! And indeed my mom did say something mean!))
The wife said, “Let us put all that behind us. She is not well… maybe we should go to visit her.” She was afraid that if she visited, my mom would not take it in good faith but I encouraged her to visit, giving the assurance that it would be fine and that my mom was really in the last days of her life. She did visit and they had the opportunity to talk and offer each other forgiveness and prayers. When I arrived home, my mom was so happy that this reconciliation happened and the neighbour was extremely happy as well. After my mom passed away, it bothered her husband that he did not mend the relationship.
When I think of the lost opportunities over 30 years, it makes me cringe. As a child, I remember this sick feeling in my stomach when I saw them and I hung my head down. Being a child who was very friendly and naturally reached out to other people, it was very uncomfortable for me to meet someone whom I felt “ashamed” to talk to, without having a “real” reason – because I never understood what happened to the adults. This awkward relationship affected the extent that the children of both families communicated because it always felt like we were on guard with each other.
Here is the body-mind connection:
Holding grudges(even though the terrible acts that others do are completely justified) can cause stress which can cause physical sickness. It is something always on your mind – lurking somewhere in the background. As we release and let go, we create the mental space to bring new opportunities into our lives.
Here is a short exercise to do. Ask yourself the following questions:
1. Against whom am I holding a grudge right now, today, this moment? List as many as necessary!
2. In what way does holding these grudges enhance my life and bring me peace?
3. In what way may holding these grudges be restricting me? (Joy and happiness, relationships, career, finances, self-esteem, stress, etc.)
4. Am I going to continue paying these prices and placing my attention on what I do NOT want more of in my life? Alternatively, do I choose to MAKE PEACE?
Make a note to yourself. How did you feel after you released the negative energy and forgave yourself and others?
The Benefits of Forgiveness
“Forgive yourself for your faults and your mistakes and move on.
Here are some fundamental benefits to forgiveness:
• Accelerated healing, both emotionally and physically
• Relief from stiffness and chronic pains
• Relief from depression and resentment
• Increase in physical strength
• Stress reduction
• Immune system booster
• Better digestion
• More positive outlook
• Increase awareness and intelligence
• More energy, more control (physically and mentally)
• Relief from self-sabotaging
• More restful sleep
• Longer life
• Increased happiness
• Faster reaction time
• Friendlier, more tolerant
• More successful
• Ability to establish new relationships
• Peace of mind
• A NEW LIFE
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/126220
LookGood!!! and FeelGood!!! by letting go of emotions that don’t serve a positive purpose in our lives. Let it go to God – Life has a way of dealing with those who hurt us – we don’t need to hurt ourselves twice.