During a heart-felt conversation with a wonderful friend, he told me something which cannot get out of my mind – so here I am blogging about it. During a difficult time, I said to him “You can always ask your friends and family for what you need” and his response was “Yes, I can but I am too shy.” He added, “It is not about asking for what I need – it is about the silence of the friends – that is what hurts.”
Have you ever been in a situation where you need help but no one offers even though the need may be extremely obvious? Yet, most us often use language such as “If you need me, please call me” or ” I am here for you.”
As I observe human behaviour, I realize most of us would prefer nothing to do with needy people because it moves us out of our comfort zone. It requires a level of effort from us. Most of us don’t have the time to listen or give or lend money or provide advice partly because we are so stretched ourselves, dealing with our own everyday lives. Many of us see helping others as a burden and would not act but would certainly let others know of our great generosity. The interesting part is that most of us also believe what we say we do even if we don’t do it! I am also guilty of it.
I spoke to a few more people about the silence of friends. Surprisingly some people said – “oh no – it is not the silence of the friends – it is the silence of families!” It was surprising to hear that many people would not turn to their families to ask for help for fear of being rejected or ruining the relationships, especially if it involved money. People told me that they would prefer to go without, than ask. Asking seems to lower our self-esteem and makes us feel vulnerable.
The society we live in encourages independence. We all must earn to have when we want. We all must pay for what we have. We must all put on a brave face and act as though we are strong even when our world is crashing. However, the truth is that not all of us are capable of being self-sufficient all the time. Human beings go through ups and downs and there is no real formula to stop certain unfortunate things from happening that can cause huge emotional, physical, financial or social mishaps in our lives. Sometimes it is no one’s fault for losing a job, not having enough money, not having family, being victimized or being on the edge of a nervous breakdown. The most difficult part is not having anyone there for you and watching those close to you, just be silent.
If you went broke today, who would you call? If you fell terribly sick, who would you call? If you had an emergency, who would you call? Do you have someone in your life who would stand by your side unwavering and give up his/her last dollar for you?
Who would you give your last dollar to?
Most of us think of our own needs first – it is the responsible thing we have been taught to do. But what if we did not always have to play it so safe all the time? What if we genuinely went beyond our words of saying those nice comforting things “I am here for you” and actually demonstrated it? Can we do what needs to be done without being asked to do it?
I want to be more careful how I respond to others and not think of my own lack or what it will take away from me. I want to simply do what needs to be done and believe that if we live in an abundant world, all will be taken care of. I want to ask for what I need everyday and trust that it will be provided for – the best news about this, it does not have to come from friends or family. When we believe that all of our needs will be met, the universe magically conspires and makes things happen to us!
Don’t be a silent friend and ask for what you need. “Knock and the door will be opened. Seek and you shall receive.”
LookGood!!! and FeelGood by demonstrating ca”I am here for you”