April 3rd, 2012
There are certain defining moments in our young life that determines positively or negatively what we take forth and build the rest of our lives on – whether we are conscious of it or not. In our adult years, as we try to find our sparkle, reinvent ourselves and live fully, we may need to take a trip down our childhood path to see what has had an influence which is still felt today.
For me, the most powerful presence was that of God’s love for me. I felt that I was born into this amazing presence that enveloped me completely. Even when I knew nothing of God or of the bible… what my childhood eyes saw was so much beauty in nature and I simply felt a great awe for this wonderful universe. The greatness was felt deep into my soul especially when I was around water and wind – I loved watching the huge waves splash against the rocks and loved sitting on a stone in the river watching the small fish and crayfish swim around my feet. I loved the howling winds and the greater the natural element, the more I revered in the force of nature. Of course, as a child I could not possibly imagine the damage that those forces of nature could also bring. Looking back, I realize how much poverty we grew in but as a child, I don’t remember feeling poor. Often I was living in my own mind (as I still do today) having those amazing conversations with God. If someone tried to analyse this today (or when I was a child) they would probably diagnose me as something which would not resonate with the truth of this experience. (Maybe say that I was crazy)
As I grew older and started attending First Communion classes, going to school and meeting missionaries who came to the island to spread the word of God, “GOD” was introduced to me in a more formal way. The more formal I got with God and the more I learned of the many do’s and don’ts of Christian living, the further God seem to be. I missed that all enveloping presence because I started to judge whether God would like me or not. I started seeing my own flaws and listening to the nagging of others that God became a kind of authoritative figure – that made me a bit scared.
However, there were moments when this presence would envelop me and I could see myself so humble in the presence of such greatness that the tears would simply flow from my eyes but it was because my heart would be so full of love. These moments were often in nature – walking among the trees, walking in the snow, listening to the sounds of the river of the sea, listening to the wind watching the sunset and the sunrise. One moment of being immersed in nature, is enough for my soul to be restored.
Along the journey, certain prayers inspired me. Even though I did not know much about the life of the saints, the words were powerful for me and those prayers reflected values that touched my soul and made me want to live my life in away that truly responded to the prayers. One of these prayers is the Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi.
Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen
For me, there is a great ring of truth to this prayer. As I started blogging this week and still doing my own soul work, the prayer came to mind. I have not said it for years. The feeling I had 35 years ago toward this prayer is still the same today. LIfe has changed around me but the value of those words are still deep and meaningful.
I want to encourage you to take a trip down to your childhood days. Listen to your heart back then, feel your childhood spirit, let your imagination go back to the things that made your spirit soar – even if it was just a fleeting moment. I believe that somewhere in there is a gem that you are looking for if you have not yet found it. Feel even the negative that also happened – it could have possibly created a block and pushed you to make decisions to protect yourself first. Maybe some peace somehow need to be made with those moments. (More on that later this week)
LookGood!!!FeelGood!!! by connecting to something beautiful in your childhood…