I am tired, worried and sad. My dad is in a coma at a hospital in St.Lucia and I am thousands of miles away. The feeling of guilt and helplessness drowns me as I struggle to keep a zen-like attitude and stay focused in the moment. I remind myself over and over that I don’t have any control of whether he pulls through and ultimately it is up to the God of this great universe to decide our time on this earthly planet. The flickering flame of the candle I lit for him this morning brings a little comfort to my soul as I do believe in the symbolism of light and it’s healing powers. To live one moment at a time when things seem beyond your control is nerve wrecking. Time stands still and the mind wanders into the dark dungeons and feeds itself to death of all the worst possibilities that can happen. “Shut up!” I tell my mind. “He will get better. All is well.” Of course I want to believe that.
“It’s hard to be so far from your parents when they need you,” I said to my daughter who is busy sorting her Halloween candy. “I wonder where my own children will be when I am sick and dying.”
“Right beside you, mom.” She replied in the sweetest, most affirmative voice.
Her quick response brought a smile to my face. She is 15. It is the sweetest thing I have heard all year. The innocence in her response mingled with an affirmative love comforted me although it did not solve my own immediate dilemma with my dad. Little do we know what our life path holds for us for I too always wanted to be right there beside them and I do give thanks to God that I was with my mom before she passed away and I was with my dad a few weeks ago – even if I am not there now.
“I am right beside you pap,” I say out loud. “I am not there physically, but I am right there with my love and prayers.”
The only thing I can offer now is love and prayer. “O Father of mercies and God of all comfort, our only help in time of need: We humbly beseech thee to behold, visit and relieve thy sick servant, my father, Vernon, for whom our prayers are desired. Look upon him with the eyes of thy mercy; comfort him with a sense of thy goodness; preserve him from the temptations of the enemy; and give him patience under his affliction. In thy good time, restore him to health, and enable him to lead the residue of his life in thy fear, and to thy glory; and grant that finally he may dwell with thee in life everlasting; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
My dad with three of his grandchildren – Dawn, Kerene and Azim.
If you are reading this and you still have your parents – cherish the moments you have together and create moments that will let that feeling of love linger on and on and on…..
Love and light,